Saturday, August 11, 2012

Done

I'm done with this blog. For now. I'm going to try to write more complete, refined essays for "real" publication. I appreciated your support and visits, and I hope you gained something from this blog.

Best,
Sai

Thursday, June 21, 2012

Post-Boards Vacation

To celebrate the end of Step-1, I enjoyed a small vacation at Serenity Springs, which had much better availability than Atrocity Falls.


Pictured above: The cabin. It's a bit shy.


Pictured above: The porch of the cabin. Underneath, you can see a light that we could turn on to signal the office that we requested their service. I misinterpreted it as a game of "How-Fast-Can-You-Make-The-Light-Go-On-And-Off," of which the management was not pleased.

Pictured above: There was a patio set on top of the bathroom. Apparently, sharing our bungalow were two, unsociable ghosts.

Pictured above: Each morning we were set a breakfast basket. Look, we don't need your charity, Serenity Springs. We are perfectly capable of eating breakfast ourselves. Give me a break.

Pictured above: They send us a word scramble for fun, which we DOMINATED using our welcome card as scratch paper. Can you unscramble our scrambles? Hint: It's not corpuscle.

Pictured above: They also provided s'mores, which probably could have used a little s'less chocolate.

Pictured above: You probably would guess that this is a sunset, but it's actually a raging forest-fire caused by an unfortunate, large-scale s'moring accident. It was beautiful, and, like, 50 people died or something.

Sunday, June 3, 2012

Elevator Exchange: Last Day

On my last day living in my Gold Coast apartment, I walked into the elevator already filled with eight other people.  The doors closed, and as it rose, I turned to the person next to me and quietly said, "So, did you hear about that elevator murderer?"

Sunday, May 20, 2012

SWAAAAAAAAG

Happy graduation, little brother.  You still got it.

Sunday, May 6, 2012

Mosquito Problem



















Potential New Tenant: So, do you...have a mosquito problem?
Me: Not anymore.

Sunday, April 29, 2012

Duck! Duck! Duck!

  Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck!

Pictured above: Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! 

  Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck!  Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck!

Pictured above: Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! 

  Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck!  Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck!  Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck!  Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck!

Pictured above: Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck!

  Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck!

Pictured above: Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck!

  Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Oh, wait. These are geese.

Sunday, April 22, 2012

Fan Mail #1

"I am a bit confused by the name of this blog. I thought at first it was the preaching point of a nudist, or the rantings of a fashion designer whose 'vision' was never accepted by his peers. So what is it you are skeptical of; clothes, tailoring, or clothing style? It seems a bit ambiguous. While the lexical complexity of your writing seems a bit contrived, your writing is relatively witty and amusing, for that I appreciate it, but perhaps you should take a page out of the great Mark Twain's book and dumb it down. Pretentiousness is pretentious."
-Anonymous comment on Last KU vs. MU Game

Why, hello! I didn't see you there, Anonymous. Please, take a seat. May I call you Anonymous? Of course, thank you.

I'm sure you are wondering why I've called you to my Royal Executive Suite, located here in my underwater bunker at the base of Lake Michigan. Usually I come here just to relax and celebrate with Chicago's blogging elite, but I've extended a very special invitation to you.

My, it seems you are quite confused by the title of my blog. I know, ever since I got my Blog Licence revoked back in 1999, I've been forced to change the name of it several times for legal reasons. Initially, it was the "Sai's Guide to Dog-fighting and Dog-fashion," then "The Sartorial Dog and Skeptical Owners," then "The Unofficial Justin Beiber Blog," then "Sartorial Skeptic," then "The Sartorial Skeptic." I understand that without the history, it seems a bit confusing. I hope that clears things up.

Oh, and thank you for finding my writing both "contrived" and "relatively witty." I know that with the hefty $100 subscription fee attached to my blog, my fans deserve only the best in both my inane and insane writings. You can see my publisher to get a full refund for the post you found unsatisfactory.

You must understand, writing for this blog is hard. I'm sure that when you are writing for the internet, you just simply compile a set of plagiarized materials from poor, orphaned children in essay mills. Unfortunately, my work comes from what's left of my shambled mind, and thus comes out "contrived." And as just how I am "relatively" witty, I'm sure you are "relatively" a good person.

So, thank you Anonymous. I will take your advice and "dumb it down." I'm sorry that my abundance of "words" and "sentences" (and of course "paragraphs") have just blown a fuse in your anonymous brain. You know, just for you, here's something more your speed: the next 100 posts with just be animated gifs of cats stolen from other blogs of animated gifs of cats. Enjoy. Now, I believe it is time for you to go. The exit is the fourth hatch to the left, right past the closet filled with old dog sweaters and Justin Bieber cardboard cutouts.

Sunday, April 15, 2012

Another Break

Something, something, something Step 1.

Sunday, April 8, 2012

Restaurant Review: Frontier

Today, I will review the prestigious Frontier, the most aggressively Midwestern and post-ironic, hipster restaurant in all of Wicker Park.

Dish #1: Crab Benedict
Pictured above: While I question the authenticity of a true prairie family harvesting the crabs and benedicts necessary for this entree, I did finally understand how the Midwestern Native Americans truly did use every part of the benedict. 6 out of 8 stars.

Dish #2: Bacon Omelette
Pictured above: Granted, was it the best omelette I've eaten? No. Was it the most recent omlelette I've eaten? Yes. 17 out of 23 stars.

Dish #3: Rabbit and Waffle
Pictured above: Man, "Rabbit and Waffle" was my favorite early 90's British claymation series. Also, it turns out deep-frying anything and covering it in maple syrup makes it awesome. ONE THOUSAND STARS.

Sunday, April 1, 2012

Pre-Championship Analysis

So, KU will be playing the NCAA championship game this year. Since medical school has taken priority over most of my life, I have unfortunately been out of the loop. But to help me get caught up, and to aid other KU graduates who have not been following basketball this season, I've listed some facts about KU and UK before the big game.

University of Kansas

History: The university's own James "Iron Mustache" Naismith invented basketball, as well as the phrases "big-time ballin'," "basketbizzle," and "thug lyfe." He was the inspiration behind 2pac's famous hit Peach Basket Gangsta.

Coach: KU coach William "Billy" Self started his first head coach job at Oral Roberts University in 1993, turning down an offer from the more prestigious Nasal Roberts University (1992 Body Cavity League Champions). He now coaches for the University of Kansas, where he continues his ritual of eating an entire basketball before every game.

Players: This is considered a "rebuilding" year for KU, which is when the cryogenic cloning chambers that construct new basketball players must be hosed down and re-calibrated for the coming year. The current players are sown together out of the spare body parts left over, which explains why Thomas "Clone-hands" Robinson is able to detach his arms during more complicated plays.

University of Kentucky

History: The University of Kentucky legendary coach Adolph "Dolph Rupp-gren" Rupp invented swearing at players as an effective motivational tool. Before then, basketball coaches would simply recite elaborate sonnets during time-outs to ease the more winded players who may have contracted "the vapors" during play.

Coach: John "Nazi-Killer" Calipari once called a journalist a "Mexican idiot," leading to a $25,000 fine from the NBA. Additionally, as a personal apology to the fans and to prove he was not racist, he also traveled back in time and killed Hitler. This unfortunately created an alternate timeline where Missouri entered the Final Four, demonstrating to the world the true cost of interfering with the space-time continuum.

Players: The Kentucky players are famously unkillable, as they entered a dark pact to create 7 horcruxes within NCAA basketball memorabilia to gain invincibility. But after six of them have been destroyed, no more could be found, and the UK team has begun to fear that they will soon be defeated. Jeff Withey, KU center, now understands why he has felt strangely powerful this season, and he knows what must be done.

Friday, March 23, 2012

Spring Break 2012

Pictured above: Kick-off breakfast.

Pictured above: No diving.

Pictured above: No drowning.

Pictured above: Is this racist? Maybe if it read "A Rittle Bit Creaner". Wait, am I racist?

Pictured above: The St. Patrick's Day Chicago River. The dye is completely environmentally safe, unless you are an otter with chlorophobia.

Pictured above: On the CTA. I paused for a moment when I saw this, then scribbled "#graffiti" underneath.

Sunday, March 11, 2012

Review of Neuroanatomy

Meninges

The brain is encased in several fluid filled sacs which keep it from escaping by leaping out of your skull. These are the pia mater (gives it the silky, fresh sheen of a young brain), the arachnoid mater (hatchery for your brain-spiders), and the dura mater (your brain's hat).

Somatomotor Cortex

At the pre-central gyrus, the somatormotor cortex controls your muscle movement. It is often nicknamed the "humunculus" after the small man that lives there and controls your movements via a series of levers and buttons. This term is antiquated and racist, and these men prefer the term "Humunculed-Americans".

Babinski Reflex

Named after the famous physician and foot-enthusiast Joseph Jules Felix "The Babinskinator" Babinski, it is a test to localize a motor deficit lesion. It is performed by stabbing the patient in the foot with a stick and observing carefully. If the patient yells "Upper motor lesion, you f&#$%#@!" then the lesion is probably in the cortiospinal tract. If the patient yells "Lower motor lesion, you f#$%#$%&!" then the patient is faking it and deserves to be stabbed again.

Basal Ganglia

The basal ganglia are a complicated set of inhibitory and excitatory signals that regulate our movement. To help understand this, I've created this helpful figure:

Pictured above: Basal ganglia (simplified)

Sunday, March 4, 2012

Off Week

Takin' a break this week. I've earned it.

Sunday, February 26, 2012

The Last KU vs. MU Game

[I didn't see the last KU vs. MU game last night, but I did have my Facebook wall flooded with status updates this morning. So, here is, as far as I can tell, a brief recap of what happened last night.]

Pre-Game: A great fissure appears in the ground outside Allen Fieldhouse. Satan rises from it, followed by the Missouri basketball team, Frank Haith, and a pile of charred, soulless, MU fans. The sky is torn open by Poseidon, and Bill Self leads the KU basketball team on a flock of pegasi into the arena. A courier runs up to Coach Self, handing him a note from God, apologizing for His absence because He "couldn't get tickets."

Tip-off: The entire Missouri team immediately starts cheating by pulling out handguns and shooting the Kansas team. Withey is able to stop the bullets with his mind.

KU scores some points. MU scores some points.

The Missouri players join together to form a fire-breathing dragon. Thomas Robinson pulls a sword out of his own heart and cuts off the dragon's head, which he then dunks into the basket.

Halftime: The ghost of John Brown appears and joins Big Jay in an epic dance number. Once the spirit fingers start, both the KU and MU fans become visibly uncomfortable.

Bill Self reveals to the crowd that he is, in fact, Batman.

KU scores some points. MU scores some points.

Allen Fieldhouse reaches 120 decibels, which causes the roof to collapse on some Missouri fans. The hand of Poseidon saves them from the falling wreckage, though he make it clear that it is only so "they have to see the final score."

Tyshawn Taylor walks to the free-throw line. He raises his hand and conjures 100 basketballs to appear in the Fieldhouse, all of which enter the basket. This scores 2 points.

Final score: KU wins 87-86. There is silence from the Missouri team, as they struggle to remember if 86 is higher than 87. Poseidon returns to the sea, and Satan asks if "anyone is carpooling back to Missouri."

Sunday, February 19, 2012

ECG Readings for Arrhythmias of a Broken Heart

Ventricular It's-Not-You-It's-Me Pre-excitation

Not all QRS complexes are preceded by P-waves, but it's not the P-wave's fault. The QRS just isn't at a point in its life to follow a P-wave so exclusively. It's sure the P-wave understands.

I'm-Into-Your-Roommate Sinus Rhythm

T-waves are symmetric and boring in leads V2-V5. The nearby V1 has an inverted T-wave, which you lied and said you didn't like at all, but you really want to see if it had U-waves, too. However, the likelihood of hypokalemia just isn't realistic between you two.

Sinus Moving-Too-Fast Tachycardia

The heart rate is above 100 BPM, and you are worried there might be some early afterdepolarizations if things keep moving like this. You were fine when things were only 60 BPM, but you aren't ready to follow an ectopic pacemaker.

Atrial I'm-Secretly-Gay Fibrillation

The overall rhythm is irregularly irregular, but it's totally ready to just be irregularly irregular friends. There's no reason that we still can't go shopping for those QT-intervals you saw last week. And you should bring your friend Brent.

Atrioventricular Node Block Type IV: I Hate That Cat Sweater

The PR-interval is prolonged, with occasional dropped beats. It is usually accompanied by I HATE THAT SWEATER! WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS WEARING THAT TERRIBLE SWEATER? HOW DID YOU EVEN FIND A SWEATER WITH SO MANY CATS ON IT! WE'RE DONE!

Saturday, February 11, 2012

A Brief Glimpse into My Cellular Telephone

Below is an exchange of actual text messages I sent to my (new) best friend after we got back from a coffee-shop that had piles of Trivial Pursuit cards at each of the tables.

ME: So, it turns out reading trivial pursuit cards is way more fun than it should be. We should do that again sometime.

E: Maybe with more modern trivia cards.

ME: Just as long as the answer to everything is still Hitler.

E: Did you know Hitler was a vegetarian?

ME: Did you know Hitler was rejected from art school for "unfitness for painting"?

E: Did you know Hitler was afflicted with monorchism?

ME: Did you know Hitler sold postcards in Vienna for four years?

E: Did you know Hitler refused to travel on a zeppelin because they "were against nature"?

ME: Did you know Hitler was a werewolf?

E: False. Vampire.

[time passes]

E: Did you know that Mussolini was once an elementary school's schoolmaster?

My life is becoming more and more like Portlandia. And maybe I should start a cell-phone texting service called "Instant Hitler Faxx!"

Sunday, February 5, 2012

Vikings and Getting Cookie-Wasted

What is the best kind of brunch restaurant? WRONG! The answer is the viking-themed restaurant Svea.

Pictured above: The menu is very misleading. The restaurant is not on a rickety boat, but you can have the waitress vigorously shake your chair and yell, "Rough seas ahead!" It is customary to tip based on her ability to do a Norse accent.

And what do these cutthroat warriors eat for breakfast?

Pictured above: "We will burn down their village and pillage their gold! And then we will take a break for pancakes and jam! And then back to the pillaging!"

Queasy from both the simulated water turbulence and potential lingonberry overdose, I needed to take a break. This is how I discovered the Cookie Bar.

Pictured above: I wish every bar in Chicago were like this. I could sidle up to the bartender, ask what's good, and they would pull out a cookie sheet with fresh cookies from behind the bar.

I'm not one for drinking, but if anyone wants to join me, you should totally get cookie-wasted with me.

Pictured above: I really want one, but I don't think I can bring myself to order it. Girls might be listening.

Monday, January 30, 2012

Test Questions

So, we just had our big exam over the Ob/Gyn and GI units, and there were some really hard questions. I thought I should share some with you.

1. Professor McGonagall is pregnant, and Harry Potter must help deliver the baby. What should he do?

A. "Expelliarmus fetus!"
B. "Abruptio Placenta!"
C. Have Hermione perform an emergency, magical C-section
D. Pull Gryffindor's speculum from the Sorting Hat

2. Which is NOT a significant risk factor for an ectopic pregnancy?

A. Talking at the movies
B. 2 (two) first-degree relatives with blonde highlights
C. Using the word "irregardless"
D. Putting your fingers up to your mouth when it is cold outside and pretending to smoke

4. Which is NOT a side-effect of oral-contraceptive use?

A. X-ray vision
B. Animal telepathy
C. Heart-doubling
D. Superuterus

5. A 23-year-old male presents with frequent, non-bloody diarrhea after a recent trip to Latin America. Which of these questions would be most important to ask?

A. "How was your trip?"
B. "What did you bring me?"
C. "Hey, I don't know what your wife is talking about. I was just fixing your shower."
D. "Maybe if you just TALKED to Jan, she would rethink the divorce."
E. "No, YOU need to calm down!"

6. Which P450 enzyme is the best?

A. CYP3A4
B. CYP2D6
C. CYP2C19
D. CYP2E1
E. Oh, I can't decide. I love them all!

3. Your patient is an elderly man complaining of severe RUQ pain. Several lacerations are apparent on the skin overlying his abdomen, and both wrists and ankles are in shackles. His HST and HLT levels are elevated, as well as his unconjugated bilirubin. His power of attorney is a large eagle that is menacingly pacing around the room. What would be the most appropriate next step?

A. Liver biopsy
B. Endoscopy
C. Ultrasound
D. Your patient is Prometheus and is being deservedly punished for his transgressions against Zeus. Return him to the mountain.

Sunday, January 22, 2012

Uncle Benichiro

The winter snow has finally hit Chicago, which can only mean one thing:

Pictured above: That's right Sad Road Marker, it means it's time to go to the oriental food store to stock up on strange ingredients!

First up, I needed to get some Japanese rice. Now, what is "Japanese rice", you ask? Well, racist, Japanese rice is much like most things Japanese: smaller, more expensive, and harboring a secret desire to build a world empire.

Pictured above: Wait, I had something for this. Uncle Benichiro!

And, what goes better with rice than twenty miniature, yogurt-flavored soft-drinks?

Pictured above: I am appalled by the lack of an adorable cartoon character on the package urging me to consume its contents. What's the point of drinking weird, Asian things if they aren't cross-promoting some epileptic morning cartoon or line of Hello-Kitty glitter-purses?

Finally, while in the checkout line, I became overcome with emotion and forced to grab a stack of teas.

Pictured above: For those who don't know, Roasted Green Tea is made from green tea leaves roasted over charcoal, and Oolong Tea is made from the shame you've brought upon your ancestors roasted over firewood.

Monday, January 16, 2012

Shopping List

After watching a video that is the pinnacle of absurdist humor, I've decided to come up with my own fake shopping list:

Tim Gunn action figure
Edible notepads
Explosive ham
Anti-spyware helmet
Bird glue
Neck garters
Yoga vest
Automatic banana peeler
Manual banana peeler
Trivial Pursuit Golden Girls Edition


I'm seriously considering doing this with someone. I just need a friend as insane as I am.

Sunday, January 8, 2012

New Year's Resolutions

1. While shaking the hand of a stranger, linger a little too long and stare at their hand.

2. Walk over to a girl to ask her out, and then lose confidence en-route and pretend to tie my shoe.

3. Put four collar stays in a shirt and ask "if you notice anything different about me."

4. Mispronounce "pronunciation" to see if anyone corrects me.

5. While getting a haircut, tell the barber that "the weather has been really nice lately."

Monday, January 2, 2012

Best of the Best's of 2011

Happy New Year! Here are my best of the best's of 2011! There was some tough competition this year, but here are the winners:

Best Christmas Ornament with Photograph of Me in 2nd Grade of 2011:

Pictured above: CRAYOLA CHRISTMAS

Best Christmas Ornament with Handprint of Me in Kindergarten of 2011:

Pictured above: HEARTSLAP

Best Grits of 2011:

Pictured above: CHEDDAR JALAPENO GRITS

Best Marginal Nerd Board Game of 2011

Pictured above: POWERGRID

Best Technology Destroyed by Sai of 2011

Pictured above: MONTH-OLD IPOD NANO