Saturday, January 22, 2011

Speed Dating 2: Beastiary

Loyal readers may remember my previous failed attempt at speed-dating a few months ago, where even my best lies could not convince law students to go on a date with me. But now, armed with a whole new quiver of lies, I drew my bow towards another speed-dating adventure last night.

Pictured above: I was dater number 35, which is the most sensual multiple of seven.

Rather than retell all of my misadventures, I instead will provide for those unfamiliar with the speed-dating habitat an abridged beastiary of the kind of males present.

Ponytail Guy

Usually wearing an over-sized trenchcoat, Ponytail Guy has taken precious hours away from his Dungeons and Dragons league to appease his parents' wishes for him to "meet a nice girl." He usually knows better than to mention LARPing on the first date.

Leather-jacket Guy

He doesn't take off his leather jacket while in the bar; Leather-jacket Guy knows he's too cool for that.

Clearly-too-old Guy

Armed with a crew-neck sweater and glass of wine, Clearly-too-old Guy hopes that his obvious maturity will compensate for the fact he is hitting on 22-year-old girls.

Homeschooled Guy

Introducing himself with a firm handshake and a "nice to meet you," Homeschooled guy was raised with an appreciation for proper etiquette by his mother. You can ask her yourself, when he takes you to meet her on your second date.

Ed-Hardy Guy

Wearing a tight t-shirt, Ed-Hardy guy isn't afraid to show off the unsettling amount of muscles in his forearms.

Also, here is a collection of out-of-context quotes from the ladies of speed-dating last night:

"Sometimes I just want to be unhappy!"

"I've been a parole officer for 15 years."

"I hate doctors."

"I was just fired 4 hours ago."

"That's not your name. Show me your driver's licence."

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