Sunday, July 31, 2011

Blog Photography

On my blog, I often will post digital photographs of the events that transpire during my life, a virtual "pictoral blog" or "plog." For those interested in matching my photographical prowess, here are some helpful hints to match my skill level.

1. Get it right, get it tight

Pictured above: Just get up in there. Let's see those walnuts on those Anise-spiced vanilla cookies. No, closer. Let's get right on that amchur powder.

2. When it doubt, sad it up

Pictured above: Oh, how artistic. These sad flowers, signifying something, have been abandoned on the subway train, which signifies something else.

3. Photo-bombing

Pictured above: To be fair, this is actually more of a full-on photo-assault.

4. Food pics

Pictured above: A good photograph can make any food look good. For example, this cupcake filled with sand actually looks edible.

Sunday, July 24, 2011

The Wonders of Online Dating

In the olden days, men with crippling loneliness (like me) were forced to either write long stories with no point or be not-so-secretly gay. But now, with the invention of both intra and inter-nets, loneliness is just a click away! Here are some tricks to make your online dating experience a success! (I would call them tips, but let's be honest; just like real dating, all that we men have is deception.)

[Note: These are all actual messages I received from an actual online dating site]

Trick #1: Proportional Response

Worried about being overly excited or too reserved? Just keep it proportional. If it works for a military campaign, it works for a romantic invasion as well.

Pictured above: About as effective as "Shock and Awe."

Trick #2: Honesty

You are ugly. I am ugly. Let's just accept it.

Pictured above: For some reason, she didn't message me back...

Trick #3: Nerdity

Just nerd it up man, that's how you get awesome nerdy messages.

Pictured above: Is there really any better pick-up line?

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Profiles in Courage: Roberto

As you might have guessed, my good friend Roberto visited me a few days ago. Since he was my old roommate at K.K. Amini Scholarship Hall, he was able to muster the courage to actually spend an entire weekend with me. For his honor (and sacrifice), this post is a list of some of his admirable attributes.

1. Punctuality

Having spent a semester studying abroad in Italy, Roberto has mastered the art of the "Italian Entrance", which is where you arrive two hours late and order the smallest coffee on the menu.

Pictured above: Oh, and he also loves pasta. Roberto is set to straight up murder some noodles.

2. Fearlessness

Roberto fears no man, nor is intimidated by any woman. Why, just this weekend, he approached some giant lady to ask for directions. But then, things got weird.

Pictured above: "Dude, did you at least get her digits?"

3. Gratitude

While staying with me, he was quite the upstanding guest. He acknowledged my extreme generosity in granting him the finest accommodations I had to offer: TWO inflatable pools rafts to sleep on, TWO sheets, and HIS CHOICE of pillow or saucepan.

Pictured above: You love it. YOU LOVE IT.

Sunday, July 17, 2011

Temporary Delay

[A friend from Kansas is visiting this weekend, so my entry this week will be delayed. You have my sincerest apologies.]

Sunday, July 10, 2011

So, Ivan Pavlov Walks Into a Bar...

I love Japanese food as much as the next half-Japanese guy, so you can imagine my excitement at getting some authentic food from my homeland. This time, it was a lovely establishment called Ginza Restaurant. However, I had to go with my "friends," many of whom haven't even BEEN to Japan. For insurance, I brought along a full Japanese person, but it turned out we didn't even need her, since I knew the Japanese password ("I have brought shame to myself and my family").

Pictured above: You heard me. I don't need you.

It was a fun night, as we were celebrating the end of our first summer research rotations. My friend Diego just ended his time in a pschiatric laboratory, so there were pyschology jokes abounds.

Pictured above: "And then the bartender says, 'That's not MY unconditioned stimulus!'"

Afterwards, as is tradition when I spend time with these people, I bought a cake/pie and try to consume it in its entirety. I failed.

Pictured above: I'll bet Kobayashi could have eaten it, along with the paper plates and glass table.

Sunday, July 3, 2011

Dude, It Was Just Hamlet With Lions

People are always asking me, "How do you stay so skinny after you eat so much?" After I explain my high parasite load and internal rumen system, I just show them a picture of my typical breakfast.

Pictured above: Lemon-meringue pie, apple fritter, and half a sticky bun. Well, sorry, I needed a snack if I was going to take the time to get a photograph.

Despite my love of refined and other sugars, I often sample the non-desserts other cultures have to offer. For example, just this weekend I explored Chicago's Greektown.

Pictured above: Moussaka from the Athena Restaurant. Not only was it delicious, it was also a perfect topographical replica of the cliff where Moussaka was dropped to his death by Jeremy Irons.

To help me better appreciate the Greek atmosphere, I brought along a companion familiar with the intricacies of the culture and language, as she had once lived in a "sorority." Though every time I inquired as to which one she belonged, she refused to tell me.

Pictured above: "Look, I don't want to ask your friend 'Delt.' Why can't you just answer me?"