Sunday, October 30, 2011

A Week Off

Sorry folks, but I'm taking the week off. I'm working on a long column for the medical school newspaper, which I will post as soon as it comes out. And this whole medical school thing is taking more time than I thought. Whoever heard of studying on weekends?

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Michigan Ave Street Painting

Michigan Avenue, or "The Mile of Tourists," is a home to many wonders, but I saw something there the other day that just baffled me.

Pictured above: Bafflement with some befuddlement.

Now, this man was painting what looked like an eggman protecting buried gold (and sky-gold) from seagulls. He explained that the character on the left was Humpty Dumpty. He continued to do this for several minutes before I had to go back to saving lives at the hospital.

I still don't know what was going on, but here are some theories:

1. Performance art. This "man" is "painting" a "scene" challenging the "audience" what it means to "be." Get it? No? Exactly.

2. Humpty Dumpty fan-fiction fan-art. This man, after writing an elaborate story in which Humpty Dumpty meets Bella from Twilight, becomes a pirate, and buries the treasure, he decides he needs to share it with the world in the only way he knows how: watercolors.

3. An incredibly bad, but very dedicated, caricature artist. "I'm not so good with faces, so I'm going to focus mainly on the background. Also, you kind of look like an egg. That'll be $100."

4. Viral marketing for a new movie, a gritty reboot of Humpty Dumpty. Humpty Dumpty will be played by Shia LeBeouf, and the wall will be played by Vin Diesel. Tagline: "You are going to need more horses and men."

Monday, October 17, 2011

Halloween Costumes

Halloween is a great holiday. It's not just the decorative squashes, it's the insinuating that your sister-in-law has tentacles that makes it so great. But did you know that people also wear costumes? I still haven't figured out what I'm going to be yet, but here are some of my ideas:

1. The Confused Horse Group Costume

In this costume, I'd have to coordinate with a friend to both go as the back-end of a two-person horse costume. Then, while at the party, I'll get upset when someone asks and blame the other person for buying "the wrong half".

2. The Guy Doing Laundry

I won't shave for a few days, mess up my hair, and carry around a bag filled with my laundry. Then I'll make awkward small-talk with everyone.

3. The Ghost of Sai

I'll wear a big sheet over my head, and then put on some glasses and a necktie on top of it.

4. The Occupy Halloween

I'll dress like a protester carrying a sign that says "The top 1% control 99% of the world's candy!"

5. The Medical Student Terror

I won't wear a costume. When someone asks why I'm not wearing a costume, I'll ask them why they aren't studying.

Saturday, October 8, 2011

The Hospital Bill

So, I finally received the bill for my short stint in the emergency room last month. Although the total bill was $1,635.57, I only had to pay $469.73. For those unfamiliar with the healthcare-industrial complex, here is the full, itemized breakdown of that payment:

100.00 - Co-pay
20.00 - Co-pay co-pay
30.00 - Sassy nurse subcharge
20.00 - Handsome doctor fee
120.00 - Haircut for handsome doctor
40.00 - Resident listening to sob story
45.00 - Resident replacing "in usual state of health" with "idiot" on chart
45.00 - Attending yelling at an intern for some reason
17.00 - Intern crying in supply closet
32.00 - New supply closet lock
00.30 - Stitches
00.15 - Guaze
00.15 - Neosporin
00.13 - Pennies discovered stolen from "take-a-penny-leave-a-penny-tray" at Starbucks

TOTAL= $469.73

And that's why healthcare reform is ruining America.

Monday, October 3, 2011

Honey-betes and a Million Dollars

This weekend, I went to the Meli Cafe, a honey-themed brunch restaurant. "Meli" is, of course, the Greek word for honey. It can be found in such words as diabetes mellitus, mellitology (study of bees), and Weezy. However, for some reason, my preceptor still tells me that I shouldn't tell the patients that they "have honey-betes."

Pictured above: Along with a mountain of pancakes, they serve a small vial filled with honey and a butter infused with honey. Also, every hour a bell rings, and the wait-staff all take a shot of honey so they, too, are infused with honey.

But my favorite part of the restraurant was its sign-board outside.

Pictured above: I guess last week's Belligerent Borscht wasn't a big seller.

Also, it's a good friend's birthday today, so I gave him the world's greatest gift. Money.

Pictured above: "What did you get him? Oh, that's nice. Know what I got him? A MILLION DOLLARS."