Sunday, February 26, 2012

The Last KU vs. MU Game

[I didn't see the last KU vs. MU game last night, but I did have my Facebook wall flooded with status updates this morning. So, here is, as far as I can tell, a brief recap of what happened last night.]

Pre-Game: A great fissure appears in the ground outside Allen Fieldhouse. Satan rises from it, followed by the Missouri basketball team, Frank Haith, and a pile of charred, soulless, MU fans. The sky is torn open by Poseidon, and Bill Self leads the KU basketball team on a flock of pegasi into the arena. A courier runs up to Coach Self, handing him a note from God, apologizing for His absence because He "couldn't get tickets."

Tip-off: The entire Missouri team immediately starts cheating by pulling out handguns and shooting the Kansas team. Withey is able to stop the bullets with his mind.

KU scores some points. MU scores some points.

The Missouri players join together to form a fire-breathing dragon. Thomas Robinson pulls a sword out of his own heart and cuts off the dragon's head, which he then dunks into the basket.

Halftime: The ghost of John Brown appears and joins Big Jay in an epic dance number. Once the spirit fingers start, both the KU and MU fans become visibly uncomfortable.

Bill Self reveals to the crowd that he is, in fact, Batman.

KU scores some points. MU scores some points.

Allen Fieldhouse reaches 120 decibels, which causes the roof to collapse on some Missouri fans. The hand of Poseidon saves them from the falling wreckage, though he make it clear that it is only so "they have to see the final score."

Tyshawn Taylor walks to the free-throw line. He raises his hand and conjures 100 basketballs to appear in the Fieldhouse, all of which enter the basket. This scores 2 points.

Final score: KU wins 87-86. There is silence from the Missouri team, as they struggle to remember if 86 is higher than 87. Poseidon returns to the sea, and Satan asks if "anyone is carpooling back to Missouri."


  1. Mcsweeney's worthy

  2. That is pretty much what happened from what I saw.

    On a side note though, I am a bit confused by the name of this blog. I thought at first it was the preaching point of a nudist, or the rantings of a fashion designer whose "vision" was never accepted by his peers. So what is it you are skeptical of; clothes, tailoring, or clothing style? It seems a bit ambiguous.

    While the lexical complexity of your writing seems a bit contrived, your writing is relatively witty and amusing, for that I appreciate it, but perhaps you should take a page out of the great Mark Twain's book and dumb it down. Pretentiousness is pretentious.