Michigan Ave Street Painting

Michigan Avenue, or "The Mile of Tourists," is a home to many wonders, but I saw something there the other day that just baffled me.

Pictured above: Bafflement with some befuddlement.

Now, this man was painting what looked like an eggman protecting buried gold (and sky-gold) from seagulls. He explained that the character on the left was Humpty Dumpty. He continued to do this for several minutes before I had to go back to saving lives at the hospital.

I still don't know what was going on, but here are some theories:

1. Performance art. This "man" is "painting" a "scene" challenging the "audience" what it means to "be." Get it? No? Exactly.

2. Humpty Dumpty fan-fiction fan-art. This man, after writing an elaborate story in which Humpty Dumpty meets Bella from Twilight, becomes a pirate, and buries the treasure, he decides he needs to share it with the world in the only way he knows how: watercolors.

3. An incredibly bad, but very dedicated, caricature artist. "I'm not so good with faces, so I'm going to focus mainly on the background. Also, you kind of look like an egg. That'll be $100."

4. Viral marketing for a new movie, a gritty reboot of Humpty Dumpty. Humpty Dumpty will be played by Shia LeBeouf, and the wall will be played by Vin Diesel. Tagline: "You are going to need more horses and men."

Back Alley Games and Myopic Gnomes

I am not accustomed to failure. I had my first taste of it in grade school, when I brought back a sub-satisfactory grade of less than an "A." My mother kindly sat me down, put her arm around my shoulder, and explained that I had brought shame to the entire family.

But even now, I find myself falling into a pattern of failure. It began a week ago, when I acquired an antique straight razor the only way one should: in a back alley game of no-limit baccarat. Despite it's horrifyingly unguarded blade, it was too dull to use for shaving.

Pictured above: Alas, I will simply have to use it as one of my back-up blades during my back alley games of no-limit knife fighting.

And I also purchased a pair of prescription sunglasses online, but I unfortunately did not notice that they were the world's smallest pair of aviators.

Pictured above: Appropriate only for Bond villains or myopic gnomes.

This week had some success for me, though. I managed to capture a rare tropical painting during my monthly art hunt. It will surely be my new trophy to sit atop my mantle.

Pictured above: Don't worry, the painting was humanely euthanized.