Dirigible Pirate

I have two weeks of break before I must return to medical school, and I'm trying my best to indulge in as many vices as possible. With all these free time on my hands, I was planning on starting up a blacksmith inside my apartment. However, I forgot about that "smelting clause" in my lease, and I was forced to close shop. Maybe I'll just stick to buying vintage clothes.

Pictured above: Thrift store shopping spree. Three bow ties, one necktie, two gray blazers, and two scarves.
Not Pictured: Pair of khaki pants, dignity.

I purchased all of that for less than $50, believe it or not. And even more shocking, I didn't even have to root around in the trash to get it. I acquired them in "stores," though I am unaware of the origin or status of the previous owner. All I'm saying is that I can neither confirm nor deny if these clothes were the result of grave-robbing.

Pictured above: A "brand" of some note.

But I am also using my time to develop new habits to become more of a gentleman. For instance, I have begun wearing hats while outside.

Pictured above: I am only a few steps away from challenging someone to a zeppelin race 'round the world.

Alas, I am still not the coolest guy in medical school. A "friend" of mine had the honor of purchasing a pirate jacket from H&M yesterday.

Pictured above: Unfortunately, H&M was fresh out of designer eyepatches, so he could not complete his look.

Exam Exuberance

Today, I have completed and "passed" my first medical school exam! True to my upbringing, I whipped out my non-regulation Number 2 1/2 pencil, which has the extra 10% graphite hardness I needed to conquer this test. I was, of course, the first to finish the exam, since the brain parasite implanted by the Kumon math program is still eating away at the impulse control part of my brain. But it didn't stop me from putting on my leather jacket, peeling out on my motorcycle, and leaving the rest of those suckers behind as I rode into the sunset (NOTE: at this point, it was only 9:30 a.m., so it was more "sunrise" than "sunset." Also, the motorcycle is fictional.).

Time to kick back, relax, and go crazy this weekend!

Pictured Above: THREE kinds of bow ties! Now we are getting the party started!

Possible Halloween Costumes Involving Bow Ties

1. Unfriendly Waiter

Pros: I would be able to carry around silver tray and wear white dinner gloves.
Cons: People would actually think I'm a waiter.

2. Bruce Wayne

Pros: I could make a lot of references to "The Bat Man," and how I think he's ruining Gotham.
Cons: I may be called upon to participate in fisticuffs with any number of Heath Ledger Jokers at the party.

3. Best Man at a Wedding

Pros: I could congratulate everyone I meet and talk about the "crazy" bachelor party I organized "last night."
Cons: I am not familiar with the details of Best Man debauchery, and my costume will fall flat upon any inquiries.

This bow tie will be worn some time in the near future.

Shirley Temple, shaken not stirred

The seal has finally broken. I have reached the climax of my sartorial evolution, now anticipating only a drawn-out denouement in my fashionable future. From here on out, my blog posts will be filled with the mundane. I will only write about boring medical school trivialities, and soon my only reader will be a spam-bot automatically adding comments about how I should invest in a Mongolian time-share. What is this great moment that will be the apogee to my existence? I have purchased my first bow-tie.

Pictured above: Now, I am one step closer to being James Bond. I already wear a high-tech watch (hour hand AND minute hand!) and objectify women. We both also remain inexplicably alive after many near-death experiences and have gotten progressively worse since the 1980's.

Now that I am a real bow-tie-owning man, I have no need for this artificial travesty.

Pictured above: This fake bow-tie is only appropriate for high-school prom or as an accessory for a dog marriage.

Speaking of black things I have just acquired, here are some airtight jars I found at Bed, Bath, and Beyond. They were discovered during my usual routine of walking directly to the clearance bin, shoveling anything worthwhile into my bag, and then unashamedly asking to use a coupon at the checkout kiosk.

Pictured above: All this for only $11! Their contents are (from left to right) water, gunpowder, shards of glass, crickets, mercury, and ice (now water). I'm glad that I won't have to go all the way to the pantry when I need to reload my musket.

All right. I've bragged enough about my bourgeois lifestyle for now; if you will excuse me, I've got some gourds to roast.

Pictured above: [grabs microphone] So what's the deal with pumpkins? They are so terrible, people would rather rip out their slimy innards and stab out a face with a knife than try to eat 'em. I'm sorry. You know I love you, pumpkins.

An Entire Sleeve of Cinnamon Rolls

My first week of medical school is now under my belt, and my soul still has yet to be crushed. I was looking forward to becoming a soulless husk of a man, but so far my schooling has been entirely too uplifting and supportive. I did, however, appreciate watching a full episode of House during class. But I must admit that I am more of a Wilson man, myself.

Pictured above: Oh, Hugh. I can't stay mad at you.

Currently, I am relaxing at my apartment, enjoying some of my patented raspberry-flavored coffee. It is the metaphorical equivalent of making my coffee wear an ascot.

Pictured above: If I ever become a rapper, I want to put the line "Sippin' coffee from a dollar-store mug" into one of my songs.

Although I spent my morning buying butternut squash, an eggplant, two yellow zucchinis, and five banana peppers (for $3.75 total), I indulged in one of my more embarrassing habits: I ate an entire sleeve of Jewel-brand cinnamon rolls.

Pictured above: Multiply this by two, and now you understand my shame.

Last night, I was able to mingle with the other members of Castillo College, the Hufflepuff of Feinberg. The group of us were entertained by our physician mentor Dr. Castillo at his home, where we proceeded to shamelessly consume food and drink. I deceived up to ten of my fellow students into being my "friends." As I was draining their bank accounts this morning, I wondered if we had different definitions of "friend."

Pictured above: Dr. Castillo also gave us some sweet luggage tags. Next up, secret Castillo College handshake.

That's enough for now. I'm off to go thrift store shopping for some bow ties. A true gentleman should never be without two things: a bow tie and an assortment of fine jams.

Pictured above: What? You don't have an assortment of fine jams?