Duck! Duck! Duck!

  Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck!

Pictured above: Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! 

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Pictured above: Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! 

  Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck!  Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck!  Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck!  Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck!

Pictured above: Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck!

  Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck!

Pictured above: Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck!

  Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Oh, wait. These are geese.

Fan Mail #1

"I am a bit confused by the name of this blog. I thought at first it was the preaching point of a nudist, or the rantings of a fashion designer whose 'vision' was never accepted by his peers. So what is it you are skeptical of; clothes, tailoring, or clothing style? It seems a bit ambiguous. While the lexical complexity of your writing seems a bit contrived, your writing is relatively witty and amusing, for that I appreciate it, but perhaps you should take a page out of the great Mark Twain's book and dumb it down. Pretentiousness is pretentious."
-Anonymous comment on Last KU vs. MU Game

Why, hello! I didn't see you there, Anonymous. Please, take a seat. May I call you Anonymous? Of course, thank you.

I'm sure you are wondering why I've called you to my Royal Executive Suite, located here in my underwater bunker at the base of Lake Michigan. Usually I come here just to relax and celebrate with Chicago's blogging elite, but I've extended a very special invitation to you.

My, it seems you are quite confused by the title of my blog. I know, ever since I got my Blog Licence revoked back in 1999, I've been forced to change the name of it several times for legal reasons. Initially, it was the "Sai's Guide to Dog-fighting and Dog-fashion," then "The Sartorial Dog and Skeptical Owners," then "The Unofficial Justin Beiber Blog," then "Sartorial Skeptic," then "The Sartorial Skeptic." I understand that without the history, it seems a bit confusing. I hope that clears things up.

Oh, and thank you for finding my writing both "contrived" and "relatively witty." I know that with the hefty $100 subscription fee attached to my blog, my fans deserve only the best in both my inane and insane writings. You can see my publisher to get a full refund for the post you found unsatisfactory.

You must understand, writing for this blog is hard. I'm sure that when you are writing for the internet, you just simply compile a set of plagiarized materials from poor, orphaned children in essay mills. Unfortunately, my work comes from what's left of my shambled mind, and thus comes out "contrived." And as just how I am "relatively" witty, I'm sure you are "relatively" a good person.

So, thank you Anonymous. I will take your advice and "dumb it down." I'm sorry that my abundance of "words" and "sentences" (and of course "paragraphs") have just blown a fuse in your anonymous brain. You know, just for you, here's something more your speed: the next 100 posts with just be animated gifs of cats stolen from other blogs of animated gifs of cats. Enjoy. Now, I believe it is time for you to go. The exit is the fourth hatch to the left, right past the closet filled with old dog sweaters and Justin Bieber cardboard cutouts.

Another Break

Something, something, something Step 1.

Restaurant Review: Frontier

Today, I will review the prestigious Frontier, the most aggressively Midwestern and post-ironic, hipster restaurant in all of Wicker Park.

Dish #1: Crab Benedict
Pictured above: While I question the authenticity of a true prairie family harvesting the crabs and benedicts necessary for this entree, I did finally understand how the Midwestern Native Americans truly did use every part of the benedict. 6 out of 8 stars.

Dish #2: Bacon Omelette
Pictured above: Granted, was it the best omelette I've eaten? No. Was it the most recent omlelette I've eaten? Yes. 17 out of 23 stars.

Dish #3: Rabbit and Waffle
Pictured above: Man, "Rabbit and Waffle" was my favorite early 90's British claymation series. Also, it turns out deep-frying anything and covering it in maple syrup makes it awesome. ONE THOUSAND STARS.

Pre-Championship Analysis

So, KU will be playing the NCAA championship game this year. Since medical school has taken priority over most of my life, I have unfortunately been out of the loop. But to help me get caught up, and to aid other KU graduates who have not been following basketball this season, I've listed some facts about KU and UK before the big game.

University of Kansas

History: The university's own James "Iron Mustache" Naismith invented basketball, as well as the phrases "big-time ballin'," "basketbizzle," and "thug lyfe." He was the inspiration behind 2pac's famous hit Peach Basket Gangsta.

Coach: KU coach William "Billy" Self started his first head coach job at Oral Roberts University in 1993, turning down an offer from the more prestigious Nasal Roberts University (1992 Body Cavity League Champions). He now coaches for the University of Kansas, where he continues his ritual of eating an entire basketball before every game.

Players: This is considered a "rebuilding" year for KU, which is when the cryogenic cloning chambers that construct new basketball players must be hosed down and re-calibrated for the coming year. The current players are sown together out of the spare body parts left over, which explains why Thomas "Clone-hands" Robinson is able to detach his arms during more complicated plays.

University of Kentucky

History: The University of Kentucky legendary coach Adolph "Dolph Rupp-gren" Rupp invented swearing at players as an effective motivational tool. Before then, basketball coaches would simply recite elaborate sonnets during time-outs to ease the more winded players who may have contracted "the vapors" during play.

Coach: John "Nazi-Killer" Calipari once called a journalist a "Mexican idiot," leading to a $25,000 fine from the NBA. Additionally, as a personal apology to the fans and to prove he was not racist, he also traveled back in time and killed Hitler. This unfortunately created an alternate timeline where Missouri entered the Final Four, demonstrating to the world the true cost of interfering with the space-time continuum.

Players: The Kentucky players are famously unkillable, as they entered a dark pact to create 7 horcruxes within NCAA basketball memorabilia to gain invincibility. But after six of them have been destroyed, no more could be found, and the UK team has begun to fear that they will soon be defeated. Jeff Withey, KU center, now understands why he has felt strangely powerful this season, and he knows what must be done.