The Wonders of Online Dating

In the olden days, men with crippling loneliness (like me) were forced to either write long stories with no point or be not-so-secretly gay. But now, with the invention of both intra and inter-nets, loneliness is just a click away! Here are some tricks to make your online dating experience a success! (I would call them tips, but let's be honest; just like real dating, all that we men have is deception.)

[Note: These are all actual messages I received from an actual online dating site]

Trick #1: Proportional Response

Worried about being overly excited or too reserved? Just keep it proportional. If it works for a military campaign, it works for a romantic invasion as well.

Pictured above: About as effective as "Shock and Awe."

Trick #2: Honesty

You are ugly. I am ugly. Let's just accept it.

Pictured above: For some reason, she didn't message me back...

Trick #3: Nerdity

Just nerd it up man, that's how you get awesome nerdy messages.

Pictured above: Is there really any better pick-up line?