A Very Kansas Christmas Eve

Just like all of the other medical students around the country, I have begun my annual migration towards my home far-away for the holiday season. Similar to the green sea turtles, we travel hundreds or thousands of miles back to where we hatched. And like these great reptiles, many of us will probably be eaten by seagulls or get stuck in traffic.

My journey started at O'Hare Airport, where I dined on authentic Chicago cuisine for the last time before my trip. It would have to last me nearly a week.

Pictured above: The cookies were homemade, but the coffee was brewed with the disdain of Chicago's finest minimum-wage employees.

As I waited for my flight at the gate, a lady probably in her late twenties sat across from me. As I was in dire need of practice talking to such women, I engaged her. Here is an abridged version of our conversation.

ME: Nice glasses.
LADY: Got them in Europe.
ME: I have heard of Europe. Living in Chicago?
LADY: New York.
ME: Graduate school?
LADY: Art History.
ME: Medical school.
LADY: Unimpressed. Mundane city talk.
[Now boarding]
ME: Enjoy your glasses.

All in all, I give it a C+ for conversation, though I was very proud of my actual parting line "Enjoy your glasses." Apparently, she did not find this nonsense phrase very amusing. I boarded the plane and, on the walkway, had this conversation with an elderly gentleman.

[MAN stops to tie his shoe. I stand behind him awkwardly, not wanting to cut in line.]
MAN: Oh, you can go ahead.
ME: Sorry, I didn't know how touchy you would be if I cut in front of you.
MAN: [laughs] Don't worry.
ME: It's just that I've been trying not to get into fistfights in walkways anymore.

The plane ride itself was largely uneventful.

Pictured above: The view from my aisle seat.

I even put out a symbolic flag for those around me, to let them know how elitist and sophisticated I was.

Pictured above: I'm reading David Sedaris. He is not a comedian, he is a humorist. He is also gay. Can't you see how interesting I am?

Once I arrived in Kansas City, my odyssey was nearly complete. My driver/mother was a few minutes late, but this is just what you get when you let the mothers unionize.

Pictured above: The Kansas City Airport was full of both hustle and bustle.

Now it is Christmas Eve, and as the frozen rain falls upon these Topeka streets, I realize that I had forgotten to pack my holiday tie. Tragedy befalls me yet again.