Soccergate

Sometimes people ask me why I dress up. At times, it does seem a bit superficial and unnecessary. But here is an example of why it is important to know how to, as our friend Jesse Thorn likes to say, dress like a grown-up. (Thanks to Put This On for breaking this story, which I will be referring to as Soccergate)

First, the English National Soccer Team was featured in this fashion spread.


They look pretty good, with the exception of their fat, shiny ties. Not true English gentlemen, but still looking sharp.

Not to be outdone, the Japanese National Soccer Team was featured in a different fashion spread.


Great fit on the suits and nice dimples on the ties. More importantly, they look comfortable in their suits.

With these two pictures in mind, I run across this photograph of the United States National Soccer Team, igniting the firestorm of Soccergate.


You see those three guys at the bottom? I'm pretty sure they are two presidents and a vice-president. Now call me old-fashioned, but I think heads of state should be shown a basal level of respect.

Why are they all wearing warm-up jackets? Did no one tell them they were going to meet with the president? Were they just stopping for ice-cream in Washington, D.C. and wanted to say hello to Barry, Bill, and Joe before they left?

The most hilarious thing is how ALL of them have pants that are much too long for them. They are bunching terribly at their calves and make them all look like a class of middle-schoolers wearing their dad's dress-up clothes. It's a good thing I don't care about soccer (or what the rest of the world calls "Futsbal"), or I would be thoroughly embarrassed.

In any case, the lesson here is this: you don't have to care about style or dressing-up, but you still need to know how to do it. If you have the immense privilege of meeting with the President, you will have the foresight to look professional and not like the checkout clerk at Dick's Sporting Goods.

Prologue (Part IV): Fast-paced Future Feelings

Now that I have graduated from KU, I am on the science superhighway, ready to rocket my way at top-speed to earning an easy MD and PhD in only 8 years!

Prologue (Part III): The Tragedy of Topeka

Topeka is a magical place. As I was biking the Shunganunga Trail (its actual name) for the last time, I found evidence of its true nature.


Ah, Topeka. Hubris does not suit you. I can only imagine the person that walked up to this scoreboard in the middle of the field, thought "Topeka rules!", changed the score, and then walked away. A real American hero.


Poor milk crates. In Topeka, I guess they don't know they can be used to transport other materials.


The Topeka traffic control, eh? There's no way there could be a problem with THAT.


Shoot. Nazis just ruin everything. However, there is this saving grace of Topeka.


T-town is still b-boy friendly, promoting cardboard breakdown breakdancing.

Prologue (Part II): Memories

I discovered evidence of my early nerdhood while rummaging through my room. As per internet requirement, photographic data will be presented in the most nostalgic of tones: sepia.

Exhibit A: Robots



As a kid, I loved constructing model robots (technically mobile suits for those familiar with the Gundam universe [or Gundam-verse]). There was a time when I thought there was nothing cooler that giant robots destroying things. To be fair, I am partly Japanese, and city-wide destruction is responsible for approximately 90% of Japanese cinema.

Exhibit B: Shells



Almost a clichéd element of my past affirming my career in the biological sciences, I found a bag full of shells and fossils that I collected as a youngster. It's weird that now I can name the phyla/class/order of these. Bivalves, gastropods, and even corals make an appearance. I'm not sure which is nerdier: collecting shells for no reason or identifying shells by their phylogeny.

Prologue (Part I): Packing

I will be flying out to Chicago on June 1st, and that means the entirety of my possessions must fit in two large suitcases and a carry-on bag. This poses quite the dilemma.

It is interesting to see how the last 22 years of my life are condensed into three bags. My plan is to pack clothes and kitchen supplies in those bags, since cooking and dressing like a dandy seem to be my only hobbies. Maybe I should start doing something to increase my machismo points. Fencing perhaps?

The one thing I'm going to miss about Topeka (SPOILER ALERT: There is nothing interesting about Topeka!) is how I bought both of my suitcases here for $3.99 at the Salvation Army. My favorite is shown below:



It has a great vintage look and will certainly be a great mugger-deterrent. Why rob someone who has such a ridiculous piece of luggage and clearly has nothing to live for?